new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My dick has a subreddit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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