Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
