A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
