You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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