she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
