I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
