That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
