walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
