I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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