Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
