How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
