My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
