We won't sleep together?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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