So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
