If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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