Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
