How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
