she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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