So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
