does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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