So drunk its hurt
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
