you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
