Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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