I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
