It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
