I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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