What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize