I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
