apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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