there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
