I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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