Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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