D3 body, D1 cock
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
