I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
