So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
