But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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