thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
