You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
