Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
True strength comes from lack of pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
