I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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