as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
