Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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