Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
