JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
