after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I touched a dick in church today
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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