You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
