from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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