I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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