Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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