I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's always time for handjobs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
