Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
