I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
