i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
