dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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