If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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