How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
