She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
