omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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