threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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