You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
