I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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