That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
