I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
